A Spoonful of Fear Helps the Medicine Go Down

Fear is a funny thing. It prepares us by assuming things will be much worse than they actually are.

In fourth grade, the powers that were decided to cut back and combine the fourth and fifth grade into one grand (and fiscally responsible class) of forty students and one elderly and slightly insane teacher. Despite the fact that Mrs C. tucked her breasts into her two-toned polyester pant suits and snorted pig-like 'oinks' while grading papers, she bravely attempted to teach half the class in basic math and the other in long division.

I remember looking up from my 'oh so easy' fourth grade reader and witnessing the green chalk board filled with numbers that seemed to go on forever. Line after line, zero's added to the end... 9,340,330 divided by 34, how could they ever find the answer? Who did they think they were? Fifth grade was something to be feared.

At ten I knew that a year was clearly not enough time to gain that profound knowledge. I thought, "I will never be there. How are these geniuses understanding hieroglyphics?"

Of course with another year under my belt, fifth grade math was as easy as pie (the math kind, not the key lime), and I realized that fear is all perspective. Between the time we fear something and then actually live it, we've prepared ourselves accordingly. We just don't know it. Those late night worries of worst-case-scenerio may be a good thing after all.

I remember reading an article about how a mother's brain works. When we have a child we start thinking about 'what-if's' in all situations. We look at our child sitting under the the tv quietly entertaining herself and we play out a 'what if' worst- case-scenerio. There's an earthquake, the TV starts to shake, we picture ourselves diving to the floor swooping our child out of harms way. Reinacting this event that has never been inacted is an evolutionary way we've kept our broods alive. The fear of what could happen awakens a part of our brain so should the unlikely happen, we will be ready...ready to dive under the tv, walk through the fire, sit through your child's surgery. We are always preparing ourselves for the worst, not because it's likely or because as mothers we love to worry, rather to protect ourselves and children from falling appliances, saber toothed tigers, and general anesthesia.

Those late night moments devoted to fear that fifth grade will be like med school for ten year olds might protect us from the fact that it clearly isn't. Fifth grade wasn't ancient sanskrit, the dreaded g-tube wasn't a lung transplant, and our televisions and bookshelves have been securely fastened in the event of a major earthquake. Life goes on, fortunately. And a little dose of fear now and again, could be the reason why.

Eva

Our CF friend Eva died this morning. If you'd like to leave a kind word for her family on her blog, that would be wonderful.

I swear this is not a blog about poop.

But in case anyone is wondering, Froggy did not culture C. diff. Woo Poo Hoo!

Hospital Pictures

Pre-surgery.
Just after.

Day one - lots of morphine.

Ouch.

Lots of snuggles.

Doggy visit. They have the same hair!

First feed at home.

Home

We're home. Froggy and her daddy are on a bike ride as we speak. All is good so far.

Cleaning and turning the tube twice a day is hard. And she has to poo everyday, so we may have to do enemas or suppositories if she doesn't.

I'm a little nervous she may have C. diff. Her poop was very smelly and ashy in the hospital. The doc wasn't concerned, but after hearing from a lot of other parents/patients on the CF forums, I'm going to keep a close eye or 'nose' on the issue. And if the poop isn't normal by tomorrow or the next day, we'll get her tested for it.

I'll post pics later. Lots to do.

Day Two

Froggy is still doing great. Day two was a little tough, but manageable. If you don't like poop talk, (kind of like coffee talk but grosser) you can stop reading. Consider yourself warned.

So Froggy couldn't eat until she moved things along, and she refused, afraid it would hurt her g-tube to push. Which sometimes she's too smart for her own good, because yes it would hurt. So two suppositories and an enema later she pooped. Woo hoo! I've never seen a nurse so excited. Our WONDERFUL nurses are probably as elated by poo as we are. Wow, you gotta love people who clap and shout over poos.

Froggy is no longer on morphine because it causes constipation, so Children's Tylenol is a sad second. But as long as she's not moving around, she's okay.

Today they started her on Pedialyte in the tube and tonight they'll give her half formula, half water. They are so careful and wonderful here, we couldn't be happier with the care.

Okaydokee, I'm off to take care of our Frog. If I watch another episode of Dora the Explorer or Spongebob, my head might start spinning around, but you gotta do what ya gotta do.

I'll keep updating. Thanks again for all the support! xoxo Froggymama

Froggy Update

Froggy is out of surgery and we're in a room. She's doing great! I'll post more later, but right now I have to get back. She's on a morphine drip, so pain is minimal. Thank you everyone for your prayers and love.

My heart is in my throat. Tomorrow my baby is having surgery.

Buddy the dog just winked at me like, "I know, I'm scared too." Everyone is asleep in this house except for the animals and they're all gathered around me, big-eyed furball lovers who know exactly how to "just be."

Their calm energy is exactly what I need right now. Piper is purring, Buddy is asleep with his paws in the air and Peanut is huddled under my chair.

My alarm is set for 4.5 hours from now. I know I should have gone to bed earlier, but how can I sleep when tomorrow is so....big? We're packed, Froggy has had her last milk of the evening, and soon we will be through this CF hurdle. Keep those kind thoughts and prayers coming!

Sissy, Sailing and Sea World

I admit, I've been a horrible blogger lately.

Here are some pictures of my sister's visit, Sea World and sailing.

We've been so busy preparing for the g-tube and just life in general, I haven't felt like writing. After Froggy goes to bed, I do dishes, clean nebs, pick up the house, watch an hour of tv, read a little and crash.

Froggy's surgery is this Thursday. We check in at 7:30 and she's scheduled for 9:30am. We can have visitors. So call me if you'd like to come see the Frog. I'm sure she'd love the distraction. I'll keep everyone posted on Facebook too. Think good thoughts, pray, send us love as we embrace this next step in her care.

Keeping out spammers

I'm going to have to approve all comments from now on. I'm getting too many spam comments.

Favorite Froggyism Ever

Froggy: Four is a great age for being naughty.

Froggyisms

A couple weeks ago we spent the night in San Diego and hit Sea World. I told Froggy we were staying in a hotel with a pool. She said, "Yay, do we get to wear our zuchinis?" I believe she meant bikinis. And thanks to her, this mama will never again wear a zuchini.

Froggy's first joke: The watch that I got for Christmas has a crack in it... That cracks me up.

While on a walk, we ran into two friendly neighborhood dogs. Their names are Mia and Blake, but Froggy calls them Mia and Flake. I told the doggy owner and she said Flake is so much better, she's going to start calling him that too.