Tuesday, May 15, 2007
It's Debbie Downer
You're enjoying your day
Everything's going your way
Then along comes Debbie Downer.
Always there to tell you 'bout a new disease
A car accident or killer bees
You'll beg her to spare you, "Debbie, Please!"
But you can't stop Debbie Downer!
Have you seen this skit on SNL? Debbie Downer is the character at a dinner party who has to bring up statistics about really depressing epidemics, wars, and can not let anyone enjoy their meal without bringing up the fact that there are people STARVING in Bangladesh.
That's me right now. Debbie Downer.
For two weeks we were all sick. Froggy had a virus and cried non-stop for seven days, without eating. FD and I had the flu, and had no energy to deal with a sick baby. We are stressed out about how we are going to support ourselves while FD is in school, and a lot of other stuff that I can't get into.
Realistically, I know we are so incredibly blessed to have our amazing family and friends, a healthy girl, and in terms of the rest of the world, we are rich because we have three meals a day and a roof over our head. But this stress is taking it's toll.
A week ago Sunday, we were driving to Urgent Care to see why Froggy was so miserable. While driving, we passed a cafe where a couple was having breakfast, reading the paper and smiling over their morning paper and coffee. I was completely jealous. Here we were, about to sit in a pediatric waiting room for two hours for our doc to say that there is nothing she can do because it's a virus, so just go home and suffer some more, while these people were enjoying a worry-free breakfast. I coveted their carefree sausages, eggs and pancakes, their espresso and leisurely perusal of the movie and book reviews of the LA Times. I suddenly wanted to exchange lives with these complete strangers who appeared to have absolutely no problems whatsoever! Do you know how long it's been since I read the paper? A book? A pamphlet? Right now my life consists of cleaning, cooking, giving meds, treatments, walks, picking up dog, cat, baby poop, grocery shopping, fundraising, working my part-time job, running errands and desperately trying to be a good wife and mama, and failing miserably.
I wanted to be that couple who shared their eggs with one fork and finished the Sunday crossword without the dictionary. This is a tough time. I know things will get better. They have to. And Froggy is back to her adorable self and I feel guilty for wishing my life different. It is all perspective. I know this in my rational brain. We are lucky, lucky, lucky. And Froggy is the biggest gift in the world. But I'm weak and sometimes wish for a carefree breakfast of laughs, orange juice, and eggs over easy.