Tuesday, May 15, 2007

It's Debbie Downer

(theme song)
You're enjoying your day
Everything's going your way
Then along comes Debbie Downer.
Always there to tell you 'bout a new disease
A car accident or killer bees
You'll beg her to spare you, "Debbie, Please!"
But you can't stop Debbie Downer!

Have you seen this skit on SNL? Debbie Downer is the character at a dinner party who has to bring up statistics about really depressing epidemics, wars, and can not let anyone enjoy their meal without bringing up the fact that there are people STARVING in Bangladesh.

That's me right now. Debbie Downer.

For two weeks we were all sick. Froggy had a virus and cried non-stop for seven days, without eating. FD and I had the flu, and had no energy to deal with a sick baby. We are stressed out about how we are going to support ourselves while FD is in school, and a lot of other stuff that I can't get into.

Realistically, I know we are so incredibly blessed to have our amazing family and friends, a healthy girl, and in terms of the rest of the world, we are rich because we have three meals a day and a roof over our head. But this stress is taking it's toll.

A week ago Sunday, we were driving to Urgent Care to see why Froggy was so miserable. While driving, we passed a cafe where a couple was having breakfast, reading the paper and smiling over their morning paper and coffee. I was completely jealous. Here we were, about to sit in a pediatric waiting room for two hours for our doc to say that there is nothing she can do because it's a virus, so just go home and suffer some more, while these people were enjoying a worry-free breakfast. I coveted their carefree sausages, eggs and pancakes, their espresso and leisurely perusal of the movie and book reviews of the LA Times. I suddenly wanted to exchange lives with these complete strangers who appeared to have absolutely no problems whatsoever! Do you know how long it's been since I read the paper? A book? A pamphlet? Right now my life consists of cleaning, cooking, giving meds, treatments, walks, picking up dog, cat, baby poop, grocery shopping, fundraising, working my part-time job, running errands and desperately trying to be a good wife and mama, and failing miserably.

I wanted to be that couple who shared their eggs with one fork and finished the Sunday crossword without the dictionary. This is a tough time. I know things will get better. They have to. And Froggy is back to her adorable self and I feel guilty for wishing my life different. It is all perspective. I know this in my rational brain. We are lucky, lucky, lucky. And Froggy is the biggest gift in the world. But I'm weak and sometimes wish for a carefree breakfast of laughs, orange juice, and eggs over easy.


The DutchMac Tribe said...

Hey Mama, sorry things are so rough right now. I won't patronize you with an 'I know how you're feeling' because obviously, our situations aren't the same. Let's just leave it that I empathize with your particular LEVEL of stress, ok? All I can say in the way of 'wise words' is that things WILL get better. Someday, somehow, to some degree....I promise. Head down, plow your way through it, and I look forward to seeing you on the other side! xoxoxoxoxoxo

Mieke said...

Have I mentioned what a terrific writer you are? Holy Cow.

I think the important thing to keep your eye on is that everything always works out: you have never been homeless, you've always survived, you have friends and family you can count on, so no matter how terrible, horrible, very bad it gets you'll have strong arms to catch you and help you back up. But you probably won't need us becuase you always land on your fee on your own. We are all here just in case.

Now start cooking a good Iowa tator tot casserole or a tuna casserole with crumbled up potato chips on top.

I love love love love love you.

Casey said...

Not weak. Human.

I have my moments of being completely jealous of the freedom other people have. Even though we are rich and blessed in our own ways, it's still hard not to see the grass as greener somewhere else every now and again.

I'm sorry things are stressful. Stress sucks.

Anonymous said...

ditto...stress sucks. i'm glad froggy is feeling better. and don't feel bad for feeling the way you did. we've all been there. and are thinking of you.

Anonymous said...

Mieke obviously has dined in Iowa. Lets not forget the jello salad with the miniture marshmallows on top.