They call me Trouble

Hi, it's me Froggy. Mom is too busy cleaning the house (yes, my mess) to write anything. So this is my bloggin debut. I'm pretty good so far, don't you think? Today I learned how to play the Kazoo! And then mommy had to explain that not everything makes that sound. So when I blew on my pacifier, nothing happened, same with my drum sticks. The kazoo cracked me up so much, I'd have to take a break from blowing, just to laugh. Ohh, I am so funny.

Mommy could not keep up with me today and kept calling me "Trouble," and "You little Pistol," and "Naughty Girl" and she said the word "no" a lot. I was like, "whatever mom, if I want to knock the lamp over, I will. Geez, get your own life."

Here are a few things I got into today. First, I ripped everything off the fridge while mom was doing the dishes. Then I tore up a cool picture my cousin drew for me, and my mom's grocery list too. I guess if mom and dad value their stuff, they should keep it out of my reach. Cause I am only one, you know.

After ripping things to shreds, I played the kazoo a little more, pulled the cat's tail, screamed at the dog, (he ran away), um, then I went over to the book shelf while mommy was making a business call. You have to time these things just right. And I am so good at that.

While she was on the phone to some producer or something (for her dumb job) I cleared the bookshelf with one swipe. Then I tore up some pages out of this play book by John Guare. You know the guy who wrote "Six Degrees of Separation." Yes, I'm very smart for one. Mommy gave me a look she's never given me before. I think it meant, "you're so cute, would you like me to make some mac and cheese for you?" But no, she took the books away and put me in the pack n' play, or as I call it, the baby jail. It was not to my liking, so I wailed a good one back at her. Mommy threw some more toys in my cell, but I know why the caged bird sings, man! I need to be free. I've got things to do, people to see. Like some dumb doll is going to appease me. I think not.

After a few minutes of major fussing, she put me back on the floor, so I promptly found the dog food and ate a few morsels. Yum. Can I just say that Science Diet Light with real Chicken Flavor is heavenly. It's like butter. Then I found an old Cheerio and ate that too. It had some dog hair on it, but Mommy helped me pick it out of my mouth. I guess she's good for something.

After my snack, I found my mommy's New York Times Book Review on the coffee table. She was still in the kitchen doing dishes, so I ripped that puppy to shreds! Guess she won't get to read that great article on the Life of Audrey Hepburn. Ooops.

Mommy was not happy about that one, especially when she found me with some of the paper in my mouth. Again she shot me a funny look. I think this time it meant, "you're so adorable, smoochie poopy."

While she was throwing out the paper, I looked around the living room for something else to destroy. But the mama was onto me and had appropriately baby-proofed, or as I like to call it, "deprived me of proper educational stimulation."

When I went for the telephone, mommy said, "Why won't you play with your toys, and give me a break, for the love of God?"

She then shoved some crappy Teletubbie in my face. I gave her a look like, "That was so five months ago. How about you let me call my peeps, and we'll forget everything."

I tried calling my friends in Guam, but mom and dad don't have long distance. As soon as I figure out the phone card, I'm calling my psychic friends for a free reading of my past life.

Then mommy wanted to check her emails, so I figured this was my chance. I crawled as fast as I could down the hallway. I'm just dying to play with this box the kitties go into. It's like a kitty sand box! Ya know, like the sand at our park? But mommy thwarted my plans on a kitty poo sand castle and caught me before I rounded the corner.

Mommy was so tired tonight, she said something about me going to bed early. I was like, "Why don't you go to bed early, lady, I'll stay up and have some friends over." But she was a good sport and put on Dizzy Gillespie, Benny Goodman, and Tommy Dorsey and we danced in the living room, until I got real tired. And then, I put my head on mommy's shoulder and cuddled my lamby blankie and then, just fell asleep.... Mommy rocked away and whispered, "good night my naughty girl, I still love you."

Maybe tomorrow I'll give her a break. Maybe not.